Haters Gonna Hate

Way back in November 2015, I was featured on an anti-adoption blog. I fixed some formatting and spelling but the rest is intact.

Another Special Angel from Armenia is being RESCUED by yet another self indignant, self righteous nut this one is from Michigan. Save the praises for her - and adoration, she is purchasing this child and it's not cheap. 

[Picture of Zola.]
This poor little "Homie with an extra Chromie" could have stayed with her family had Robin spent $200,000 to improve the conditions in Armenia for special needs children.

Here is Ms. Obenauf's tasteless self adoration (hold the applause for this child savior-wait till she is home and reality of raising a special needs down syndrome child set in)  Obenauf is even selling T Shirts to raise money for the adoption.  Does Obenauf know that the USA's foster care system is full of down syndrome babies looking for a home.   Robin probably doesn't share that part with these do-gooders.

A few things worth noting:

1) Children who are adopted are not purchased. Every attempt was made to make sure her parents willingly gave her up for adoption and I know that in our case, this is 100% accurate.

2) Blogger lady used a picture of Zola even though this was posted in November 2015, the same month I had court for Octavia/Peaches and nearly 4 months after I went on my registration trip. 

3) I don't know if she uses improper language out of spite or out of ignorance but please remember that people first language is important. "Child with Down syndrome" or "child with special needs", not special needs child or Down syndrome child.

4) Yes, adoption is expensive. It is absolutely okay to fund raise and ask for help. Fundraising is not the same as asking for a handout.

5) Yes, there are children with special needs in the US foster care system. No, it isn't an either/or, one size fits all answer. It's okay to adopt children from the US foster care system and it's okay to adopt children with special needs from orphanages internationally. Just because you do one, it does not mean you cannot do the other, too. 

6) Octavia has been home for 2 years now and the reality of raising a child with Down syndrome set in long ago. Yet, she's still mine. I still adore her. She adores me. We were meant to be together. Raising a child with Down syndrome has not been hard for me. Yes, parenting Octavia comes with challenges but she's a strong willed child who loves to get her way. Parenting any child comes with challenges and I will not be deterred just because she happens to have Down syndrome.

The point of me calling this poster out is this: Anyone can trash an adoptive parent for any reason. Don't listen to the naysayers. They're vindictive, jealous people who are unhappy with their own lives and would rather see children grow up in orphanages and then be shipped off to adult mental institutions as long as they kept their "culture".

I'm reminded of a Taylor Swift song, "Shake It Off", when people attempt to slander my name:

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

Day 19: Down Syndrome and Adoption

Down Syndrome Awareness Month - Day 19

Why are there so many children with Down syndrome waiting to be adopted outside the United States?

The simple answer is that there are so many children waiting because these countries don't do prenatal screening so the parents do not know ahead of time that their child will be born with Down syndrome. Since they don't know about it ahead of time, they cannot abort their child.

The more in depth answer is that in many of these countries, children with special needs are seen as a stain on the family line and if they're not given up for adoption, it can be virtually impossible for the other children in the family to get married and have families of their own.

In addition to this, there is also the fact that many of these countries don't have the medical technology that we have readily available and even if they wanted to keep their child, they'd have a hard time finding and affording medical care or occupational therapy.

No matter how much parents might want to keep their child, they sometimes do so for the simple fact that the child will have a better chance to live if they're adopted internationally.

Outside St. Hripsime Church

Day 19: RODS

Down Syndrome Awareness Month - Day 19

RODS - Racing for Orphans with Down Syndrome

Did you know that there is an organization with the mission of nurturing a positive image of Down syndrome and to promote for the adoption of orphans with Down syndrome? They do this by raising adoption grant funds (one child at a time) and participating in organized, athletic races, and awareness events. This organization is called RODS, Racing for Orphans with Down Syndrome. Their goal is to raise $15,000 for each child they fund raise for.

To date, they've raised funds for: 15 children who are now home, 5 children who are in the process of being adopted, and 2 children who are still waiting for their forever families. This means their current child is #23!

One of the families in the process of adopting a girl from Octavia's country found their daughter while she was a RODS child! Sponsor Hadley has more of their story!

The current RODS orphan is Asher and he sure is a sweetie! Here's Asher's Reece's Rainbow page.

Day 18: What's My Favorite Thing?

Down Syndrome Awareness Month - Day 18

What's my favorite thing about Octavia?

My favorite thing about Octavia is her personality. She always finds a way to be funny and light up my day. A few pictures that show off her personality:

When did books become a food group?!

Yes, that's my child! ;)

Sitting in a bin of clothes because why not?!

She's cool!

Octavia is not defined by Down syndrome. She is so much more. If you're expecting a child with Down syndrome, please know that your child's value is so much more than you could possibly imagine!

Day 17: Self Advocacy

Down Syndrome Awareness Month - Day 17

Self Advocacy

Many people with Down syndrome can advocate for themselves. Sofia is one of those people. She was adopted from Ukraine as an infant, is a model/spokesperson with the Changing the Face of Beauty campaign, and modeled for Target! You can read more about Sofia here.

Day 16: Is Down syndrome hereditary?

Down Syndrome Awareness Month - Day 16

Is Down syndrome hereditary?

The only type of Down syndrome that's hereditary (passed through genes from parent to child) is translocation Down syndrome. Of all cases of Translocation Down syndrome, approximately one third (equal to 1% of all cases of Down syndrome) are hereditary.

Unrelated picture but I'm really missing Armenia right now so I'm throwing a picture of Etchmiadzin Cathedral.

Day 15: Abortions Due to Down Syndrome

Down Syndrome Awareness Month - Day 15

How many babies with Down syndrome are aborted before they're born?

For years, we have heard that an estimated 90-95% of babies diagnosed with Down syndrome in-utero are aborted. Those numbers surfaced in 1999 in Europe, where countries track prenatal diagnoses of birth defects and subsequent abortion. The US doesn't collect that information, and estimates here have been all over the map.

The Jerome Lejeune Foundation released a new study that gives us more solid data. Researchers used  information and data from a dozen states that do track live births of babies with Down syndrome to devise a new estimate of how many babies with Down syndrome were likely aborted. Their model showed that such abortions have reduced the US population of people with Down syndrome by about 30 percent.

That doesn't mean 30 percent of babies with positive tests for Down syndrome were aborted. The number reflects a reduction in the population we'd expect to be living with Down syndrome, regardless of when it was diagnosed. The key is a related study in 2012, which used a mathematical model to estimate that 67% of babies diagnosed with Down syndrome in the US are aborted.

While 67% is certainly better than the 90-95% we're seeing in Europe, it's still too many.

More information can be found in the Jerome Lejeune Foundation's Summer 2015 Newsletter.

Day 14: What should medical professionals say?

Down Syndrome Awareness Month - Day 14

What advice should I give as a medical professional?

Parents who receive the news that their baby has Down syndrome often remember all of the details surrounding it, where they were, what time of day it was, etc.

Conversations should start with positive words, avoiding language that conveys pity or sorrow, and not involve unsolicited personal opinions. Accurate, up-to-date information should be communicated, and information offered for local support groups and community resources.

While you may be required to tell a parent all of their options, please do not continuously repeat that the mother has the option of aborting her baby.... presenting her with her options is one thing, talking about it more than that is borderline harassment. Don't tell them that their child will "suffer" from a "low quality of life".

Use facts and logic when you talk to them. Mention what I've said the previous 13 days. Yes, there are health complications commonly associated with Down syndrome. However, that certainly isn't the only thing about Down syndrome. Mention that with medical technology available today, the life expectancy for children with Down syndrome has increased from 10 years to 60 years. Children with Down syndrome are graduating high school, holding jobs, and can even live on their own. It's not all roses but it isn't professional to only point out the negatives associated with the diagnosis.

Again, I point out that a link to local support groups can be found in the day 8 post.

Octavia says that we're more alike than different!

Day 13: What do I say?

Down Syndrome Awareness Month - Day 13

What do I say to someone who will be giving birth to a baby with Down syndrome?

What would you say to a mother who is pregnant? You'd say, "Congratulations!" Right? This is the same thing you say to someone who is expecting a baby with Down syndrome.

If you want to go into further detail, tell them how Down syndrome is not a death sentence and their child will teach them the true meaning of life, love, and happiness. That child will bring them immense joy.

Tell them to not be afraid. While it can be scary to receive a diagnosis that makes your child "different", it'll all be okay and there are support networks for families raising children with Down syndrome (more on support networks can be found in the day 8 post).

What do I say to someone whose baby was diagnosed with Down syndrome?

Again, you congratulate them.

You can ask:
- How's the baby's health? Down syndrome does come with health issues but Down syndrome itself is not a health issue.
- How are you? Not everyone wants to talk about their feelings but putting the question out there is appreciated (especially if it's sincere).
- The baby has your [insert feature here]. People with Down syndrome look more like their family than they do each other.
- Can I hold him? Pay attention to him, hold him, love on him. Treat him like you would any other baby.

What should I never, ever say?

Statements that convey or infer pity:
"I'm sorry."
"What a shame."
"How sad."
"Poor thing."
"It could be worse."

Questions such as:
"How severely is he affected?"
"Didn't you have the tests?"

Statements that imply that people with disabilities are a huge burden:
"I couldn't do it."
"I couldn't handle it."
"You're such a saint."

Stereotypical statements that are not helpful and untrue:
"They're such happy and loving children."